tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4370268061829710124.post7547039336819862412..comments2024-03-06T03:36:43.359-06:00Comments on Robert Fisher: Thinking out loud (3.0): I did not failRoberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16733274876782876659noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4370268061829710124.post-23693187045843620862014-08-27T09:05:48.659-05:002014-08-27T09:05:48.659-05:00Thanks for sharing your own experience, Ken. You h...Thanks for sharing your own experience, Ken. You have my best wishes.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16733274876782876659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4370268061829710124.post-50130442799027695382014-08-27T08:45:34.039-05:002014-08-27T08:45:34.039-05:00Late chiming in here, but being in the throes of a...Late chiming in here, but being in the throes of a long term separation now (about 9 months now), I completely understand both your initial thoughts and your reflection here.<br /><br />I made the same mistakes you did: believing I was responsible for the happiness of my wife, even if it came at the cost of my own contentment. This only led to resentment and anger that bubbled over after 13 years.<br /><br />We're trying to patch things up, but it's been a hard road full of tears and frustration.<br /><br />We believed we were soul mates, and that mindset was the real problem. Because if you believe you were "made" for one another, any disagreement causes distress and makes you wonder what you've done wrong to cause disharmony. Realizing that a relationship is a day-by-day thing, involving compromises that, yes, can sometimes lead to disagreements, was a huge thing for me...it's embarrassing that I only realize this on the cusp of 40.<br /><br />I also have a "transactional" mindset when it comes to relationships: am I getting what I put in? And that's wrong, too. Like you said, love is about giving..."gifting" rather than "exchanging."<br /><br />Anyway. This isn't my blog, so I'll stop spewing here. Just wanted to say it's nice to find someone else in a similar situation and learning the same things.KenHRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11613789646908929989noreply@blogger.com